PRESIDENTIAL MEMORY LOSS

The President gave a masterful speech last night. He didn't waste no words on stuff that didn't turn out like he expected because he has the kind of mind that don't waste memory space on disagreeable details. He keeps his eye on the big picture.

Science has now proved that the brains of great men are special and this is why they rise to leadership. See, a brain is lots of nerves that have dendrites to connect them to other nerves and carry their thoughts around inside their heads. In the brains of your Captains of Industry and State, the dendrites are thick like a wrestler's neck and slick like a skating rink. Thoughts go from point 'A' to point 'B' lickety-split. In fact, point 'A' ALWAYS leads to point 'B,' and does it faster than you can say 'complexity.' This is how they get so rich - they are not sidetracked by conflicts between self-interest and morality. They just speed down the slalom trying to win, and if conflict is ignored and doubt devalued, fortunes are made, elections are won, and America is the envy of the world.

Your intellectuals and Democraniacs, they have what you call fuzzy dendrites. Their nerves branch this way and that and connect to different parts of the brain depending on how they put the thoughts together. Their brains can go from point 'A' to any other point in the alphabet, and do it from a variety of points of view. Very flexible but very slow and never quite as sure that 'B' is the only possible answer to question 'A.'

So, for mainstream Republican conservatives, when facts don't fit, their brains, which are going so fast down the same icy road to the bottom of things, run right over any uncomfortable facts and squash them flat. And We the People are happy, because we get to go on a real fast ride that ends up at the same place as always, where the staffers serve the same artificially-flavored and -colored food just the way we like it, never mind the salt and fat content setting a person up for obesity, diabetes, and a coronary. Talking about that just ruins the meal, and makes you the sourpuss who don't want anybody else to have no fun.

With liberals, the answer is always in doubt rather than the facts, and so you have to be willing to take the trip not knowing your route or even where you'll end up in the end. How many families do you know would survive a vacation like that?

Then there's the moral indignation quotient. Reagan was the perfect President because he had Alzheimer's all the time he was President. He continued to talk about trickle-down and tax cuts helping your ordinary folk with such earnest moral force because he lived in a mind didn't remember disagreeable facts.

Bush don't have the Alzheimer's advantage, but his brain was softened with so much alcohol and cocaine in his youth, it probably leads to the same result - true moral indignation without a hint of self-doubt or apology for errors of judgement because as far as he can remember, he never made any. Anyone who says otherwise is just willfully playing politics with the facts as he knows them.