Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Modern America means never having to say you're hungry. Most people gain weight during this here holiday season. And most of them are overweight already. And here we are, getting ready to head in on Thursday for an officially sanctioned day of gluttony.

Now, I think the Pilgrim's feast was just swell. At the November harvest, nobody could predict if the food would last to spring, and how many would still be alive after a winter of no central heating, electric blankets or flu shots got through with their little communtiy. Starvation was possible, and so one day a year given over to stuffing your face till you couldn't eat another bite was a luxury.

Not so in the world of Costco. Folks eat their fill to bursting 365 days a year. Given the history of the human race, that is something to be truly thankful for. But not by stuffing your face yet again. No, a day of being hungry, even by choice, is a perfect way to appreciate the plentiful 364. Not to mention a slimming rather than a fattening way to start off the holiday party season.

Saturday, November 01, 2008


All this talk of politics without attendant pieces of jewelry bores a girl after a while. This is why I am hoping a Republican wins. Your Republicans give fabulous gifts, while your Democrats think you should love them for themselves.

Before you tsk-tsk at the idea of giving presents to a girl, let me point out the universality of the gift rule in the Animal Kindgom. What does your bird do if he likes a lady? He puts a berry down in front of her, and if she eats it, he is filled with hope. His testosterone soars and he starts in with the head-bobbing. And we all know where the head-bobbing leads.

A girl like I who will accept a berry in the form of dinner and a bracelet from a hopelessly unattractive male is performing an act of altruism, giving the poor guy a much needed shot of testosterone before sending him home. Such an angel of mercy is more than mercenary. She brings hope that he may one day bob heads with the best of the birds and the bees.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


I just read how scientists say a Cosmic 'Jerk' changed the cosmos from a contracting to an expanding universe about 5 billion years ago, or about the time of the formation of our solar system. It can't be just a coincidence. Makes you think the creationists - excuse me - the 'intelligent design' folks may turn out to be right after all. All you have to do is accept that one man's god is another man's jerk, and we have ample proof of that in our choice of leaders.

I personally feel much better knowing the universe will keep on expanding outward, kind of like the stock market forever posting record profits, rather than the Big Crunch idea that it would reach a maximum and then fall back in on itself, which if you take the stock market model again would mean that the profits gained from automation and lower wages in globalization would someday, what with manufacturing being so efficient that there's nobody getting paid enough to buy the stuff, reach a limit and reverse until the whole system collapsed into apocalypse and it'd be the bugs turn to get intelligence and build a civilization.