Saturday, November 01, 2008


All this talk of politics without attendant pieces of jewelry bores a girl after a while. This is why I am hoping a Republican wins. Your Republicans give fabulous gifts, while your Democrats think you should love them for themselves.

Before you tsk-tsk at the idea of giving presents to a girl, let me point out the universality of the gift rule in the Animal Kindgom. What does your bird do if he likes a lady? He puts a berry down in front of her, and if she eats it, he is filled with hope. His testosterone soars and he starts in with the head-bobbing. And we all know where the head-bobbing leads.

A girl like I who will accept a berry in the form of dinner and a bracelet from a hopelessly unattractive male is performing an act of altruism, giving the poor guy a much needed shot of testosterone before sending him home. Such an angel of mercy is more than mercenary. She brings hope that he may one day bob heads with the best of the birds and the bees.

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