Friday, July 23, 2004


Your Democrats in California is all huffy and high-horse about the Governor calling the legislature a buncha "girlie men." But huffy and high-horse is a very girlie response. A manly response is to duke it out, mano a machine gun.

Governor Mr. Universe, he knows about squashing the opposition, and if it was only guys like him in charge of the world, we wouldn't have no civilization. And me, I like having laws and public works like roads and indoor plumbing and places like Paris. Paris is definitely got a girlie side.

Civilization, after all, is a very girlie thing. You know, talking instead of hitting. Sharing instead of enslaving. Making things beautiful instead of bombing them back to the Stone Age. Trying to take care of the whole family, even the cousins who spend a lot of time freeloading in state institutions.

People who say that the tough guys made this world are teenage-minded adults who watch too many movies made by teenage-minded adults. Even your big hulking Mr. Universes, who tear through their competitors like so much raw meat, they know they can only go so far before women start wrinkling their noses at them and going home with someone nicer who bathes. And maybe uses hair gel.

What's an Ex-Terminator to do? He can insult the 'girlie men' all he wants, but if he wants to attract female attention he better be breathtakingly rich. It takes very expensive presents to overcome the smell. And sooner or later, the girl of his dreams is gonna get him to bathe. And maybe use hair gel. And drink latte'. And then, as he learns bit by bit to compromise, his worst nightmare comes true. He's turned into a 'girlie man' himself!

Girlie power has beaten Mr. Universe. Just look at the California Legislature. Arnold can whine, he can hurl insults, but sooner or later, he'll come with hat in hand, like a cat with a dead mouse. He don't eat the mouse, even though he would enjoy crunching its bones. He lays it at the girlie's doorstep in hope that he will be given a saucer of cream in milady's boudoir. Civilization wins again.

Friday, July 09, 2004


The righteous John Ashcroft, the son and grandson of preachers and a devout Assembly of God follower himself, had to testify before Congress today about that pesky torture memo.

Not one of those Senators apologized for doubting that he could separate his religious beliefs from his official duties. Yet if that memo isn't proof that he can, I don't know what is. There he was, as Christian as they make them in his church, a man Jesus probably talks to personally, who when his President asks him to figure out how much torture the US can get away with and still be legal, he does not cite chapter and verse about turning the other cheek. He does not tell the President or the American people to look for the plank in their own eyes. No. He puts aside his Savior's bleeding heart and has his staff figure out justifications for physical and psychological torture.

This is a man who knows how to separate his beliefs from his job. When you have a guy like that on the job, you don't need a Constitution.

P.S. Just to show I ain't biased, I will say I disagree with him on covering the boobs of Justice in his Department of Justice. Clothes is not really to cover nakedness. And clothes is not even really to keep us warm except in winter. Clothes is there to make nakedness more interesting in the Department of Hanky-Panky. The boobs of Justice should not be something tyou think about stripping and kissing. Not to mention, a playful bite on the nipple when they're made out of marble might break a tooth.